Understanding Perfectionism: Embracing Progress Over Perfection
Do you often feel overwhelmed by the pressure to meet extremely high standards, even for the smallest tasks? If so, you might be dealing with perfectionism without even realising it. Perfectionism involves the belief that you must do everything flawlessly, often setting standards so high they’re almost impossible to meet. This can make everyday tasks feel like heavy burdens and increase the risk of experiencing anxiety or depression.
What Exactly is Perfectionism?
Many people think of perfectionists as having everything perfectly in order. But the reality is often quite different. At the core of perfectionism is a harsh inner critic—a voice that constantly judges and criticises. This inner critic can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress, and self-doubt. Instead of celebrating their achievements, perfectionists often feel like they’ve fallen short.
Recognising the signs of perfectionism is the first step to understanding its impact on your well-being. If you find yourself redoing tasks multiple times because they’re not “perfect” or avoiding new projects out of fear they won’t be flawless, these could be signs of perfectionism.
Understanding Perfectionism Through Schemas
Perfectionism often stems from deeper vulnerabilities and can be understood through the concept of schemas. Schemas are ingrained patterns of thought and behaviour that shape our view of ourselves and the world.
Perfectionism typically relates to the "unrelenting standards schema," where individuals set excessively high standards for themselves, believing that only perfect performance is acceptable. This drive for flawlessness often masks underlying fears, such as a fear of failure. For instance, someone with a failure schema may push themselves to meet impossibly high standards to avoid the risk of being seen as a failure, thus protecting their self-esteem. While this may shield them from immediate failure, it can also lead to increased stress and dissatisfaction.
In essence, perfectionism can be a way of managing deeper issues by trying to control outcomes and avoid threats to one’s self-worth. Recognising and addressing these underlying schemas is key to shifting towards healthier, more balanced thinking. Understanding the root causes of perfectionism can help in resolving these issues and moving towards a more fulfilling and less stressful approach to life.
To learn more about Schema Therapy and how it can help address these underlying schemas, click here.
“Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought:
If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimise the painful feelings of shame, judgement and blame”
The Payoff, Cost, and Paradox of Perfectionism
Perfectionism can drive remarkable achievements and recognition, pushing individuals to excel with meticulous attention to detail. While this relentless pursuit can be motivating, it comes at a significant cost.
The pressure to meet impossibly high standards often leads to excessive stress, anxiety, and burnout. The fear of making mistakes and harsh self-criticism can undermine your well-being and happiness. Additionally, perfectionism can trigger procrastination and paralysis. When perfectionists worry they can’t meet their lofty expectations, they may delay starting or completing tasks. This avoidance is driven by the fear of not achieving perfect results, creating a cycle of procrastination and stress.
In essence, perfectionism is paradoxical: it can fuel outstanding accomplishments but often leads to a cycle of stress, dissatisfaction, and procrastination.
Healthy Striving as an Alternative
Healthy striving means setting high but realistic standards while accepting that perfection is unattainable. It’s about striving for excellence without the unrealistic demand for flawlessness. Instead of being driven by fear of failure or criticism, people who engage in healthy striving are motivated by growth, learning, and improvement. They view challenges as opportunities and embrace mistakes as part of the learning process.
A common concern is that addressing perfectionism might lead to a loss of ambition. However, managing expectations and focusing on realistic goals allow you to maintain your drive while avoiding the harmful effects of excessive perfectionism. Healthy striving helps you stay ambitious without the stress and dissatisfaction of unattainable standards.
Inner Coach vs. Inner Critic
Imagine the difference between working with a supportive coach versus a harsh critic. Perfectionism often involves an inner critic that relentlessly demands flawless results, which can create stress and hinder your performance. This critic’s focus on mistakes and shortcomings can lead to anxiety and reduced productivity.
In contrast, an inner coach offers encouragement and constructive feedback. This supportive approach helps you stay motivated and resilient. For example, a sports coach who emphasises strengths and improvements, rather than solely pointing out mistakes, helps their team feel empowered and less stressed. Similarly, adopting an inner coach mindset allows you to view challenges as growth opportunities, fostering a healthier and more productive approach to achieving your goals.
Strategies for Combating Perfectionism
Some practical strategies for challenging perfectionism include:
Set Realistic Goals: Break tasks into manageable steps and celebrate progress to keep your goals achievable and motivating. Set limits on how much time you spend on tasks- remember, “good enough” is good enough.
Embrace Imperfections: Accept that mistakes are part of learning and growth. Use errors as opportunities to improve rather than viewing them as a sign of failure.
Focus on Effort: Value the effort you put in rather than just the outcome. Recognise and reward your hard work to foster a positive mindset.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself, treating your mistakes with understanding rather than harsh judgement. Talk to yourself like a good friend, or good coach.
Reflect on Core Values: Identify what matters most to you personally. This might include maintaining high standards, but it should also involve pursuing activities and goals that truly align with your values and bring you fulfilment.
Conclusion
Perfectionism might push you to achieve amazing things, but it can also take a toll on your well-being. By recognising how it affects you and understanding what drives it, you can start shifting towards a healthier approach. Focus on making progress, celebrate your efforts, and be kind to yourself. Remember, it’s about finding a balance that works for you and staying true to what really matters in your life. Embrace the journey, appreciate your progress, and give yourself permission to be imperfect..
At Inner Wellness Psychology, we’re dedicated to helping you tackle perfectionism and enhance your emotional well-being. We use a variety of evidence-based therapy techniques tailored to your needs, including Schema Therapy. Whether you're ready to begin your healing journey or have questions about how our approach can benefit you, our experienced clinical psychologists in Kogarah are here to support you. We offer both in-person sessions in Kogarah, or online sessions to fit your schedule. Reach out today to start your path to greater self-understanding and wellbeing.
If you’re interested in learning more, the video below explores the rise of perfectionism in modern society and its impact on mental health:
Other resources:
"The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are" by Brené Brown: A book that addresses perfectionism and how embracing imperfection can lead to a more fulfilling life.
Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI) - Overcoming Perfectionism: A free, evidence-based CBT program offering practical tools and strategies to help individuals understand and manage perfectionistic tendencies
Disclaimer: The content on this blog is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a psychological condition. If you require immediate assistance, call 000, present to your nearest emergency department, or call a mental health crisis number such as Lifeline on 13 11 14.
